Im 20 dating a 17 year old

No younger then Any younger then that would seem a bit I remember the time my cousin 16 was dating a guy who was That was one hell of an awkward thanksgiving. My parents are ten years apart and my grandparents were seven, so I guess it's all in perspective. I'd say for them it's their decision. But as far as socially acceptable, I think probably only about four years difference. I had a friend that took a fourteen year old when he was like seventeen to the prom, and one of my friends now is talking to a sixteen year old.

For myself I consider anything around eighteen or nineteen to be acceptable. I'm twenty five and I think that eighteen is pushing it, but that it's not so weird a thing for someone of that age difference to go out as it would be for say, someone thats twenty four and sixteen. Do not go under That shit is creepy. In fact, I'd suggest aiming for people who are slightly older than this friend, because of the extra maturity factor. Some might find this weird but i say that if your 20 [no more] you should be able to go out with any one 14 years or older [only if both are mature,both consent and both use protection].

This formula some people are posting here is sort of weird Incidently, it matches my guess: When I was 17, and many of my friends, too, I felt something changed - the leap was bigger than between 15 and 16, for example. I don't know why that is, though. My ex-girlfriend is going out with a guy who's 21, and she just turned 17 last month.

CHIT CHAT: I'm 21 dating a 17 year old

Most of us think it's pretty weird, but apparently it's quite common around here. Then again, I might just be bitter, but to me it's kinda strange. I would say two year difference at the most. When I was 17 I started college, I really wouldn't have seen anything wrong with dating anyone in their twenties who I had classes with or met on campus.

I generally tend to push the edges of social acceptability though, I'm attracted to older guys. I went on a date with someone who was 28 when I was Latest Videos Reviews Everything. There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy. There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers.

Can a 20 year old (guy) date a 17 year old (girl)?

It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career. What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history? Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life. But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter.

She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all. Either way, if you are going to adopt the modern outlook on such things, you are going to have to accept that it's entirely up to her to choose her own path in life. I know the real concern. You don't want to end up taking care of another newborn! Well, provided her partner has his life together, you could be a proud grandfather. Hopefully they are responsible enough to plan such a thing without any surprises. But if she gets pregnant and it doesn't work out, he's in a far worse situation than she.

It's in his best interest to not get her pregnant because these days a man can lose all of his parenting rights and every penny he makes in such a situation. It's certainly cause for hesitation. Maybe it would put you at ease to remind him that family courts most certainly will not be on his side and gauge how sensible he is when it comes to responsibly having premarital sex with your daughter. He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents.

It sounds like they have something in common. Hey he could be a lot more mature and experienced than the guys her age. It could very well be much worse. Unless there's some specific cause for alarm, I can't see anything to worry about here any more than if she were dating a guy who is I got together with my current girlfriend when she was 16 and I was Not AS big a difference, but a significant enough of one to be a concern for myself as well as it took a long time for me to be truly sure her parents approved.

It was rather awkward for me to ask about it, as you'll understand, but it would have saved us all quite a bit of a headache if we had opened this conversation from either side. The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy. She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her.

Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying. Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life. Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns. Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are. Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings.

Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life. For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her. Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment. It's just good habit. You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified.

If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way. Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact. Things are above-board and within bounds, it seems.


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If you trust your daughters judgement and maturity then you can ration your concerns or reserve them for indications of the pace of progress in the relationship. Relative age difference will diminish quickly over time. I don't have much else to add but I would bring you to note that age is not just a chronological number.

There is biological age and your mental and emotional age to consider. The specific circumstances in your daughter's instance might not be out of order. Your daughter is in a high risk, but also high reward situation. You can't and shouldn't prevent the relationship, but you should set some ground rules to minimize the risks, and maximize the rewards. I am reminded of an old American story of a year old girl who chased and won a year old military officer, who later became a General, William Westmoreland. At an early age, she had latched on to a "winner," and her life was made.

I see a possibility of that happening here. It's comforting to know that the young man "seems a very sensible person, and owns his own successful business. If he is also "honourable," and this is the key, he will protect your daughter. If this is the case, "the game is worth the candle.

The main thing is to set some standards. First, that "protection" is used for all physical activities. Second, that she keeps track of where the relationship is at all times. Third, that she comes to you for help and guidance if she ever feels that she's in over her head. Adolescent girls are more mature than guys by several years , in the late teens and early 20s. So the eight year difference in ages may be more like four or five in maturity. It could be that two people who are both unusually mature for their ages "found" each other at a young age.

If that's the case, they will be more compatible over the long term than either with other, more "random," people closer to their own age. It's also possible that one or both of them senses this. As parents, I wouldn't stand in their way, but I would "stand by" for possible trouble. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead? Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered.

20 year old guy with a 17 year old girl thoughts? - The Student Room

How to respond to 17 year old daughter going out with a 25 year old man? Tom Au 1 7. Please use comments for clarification, not tangential observations or answers -- use Parenting Chat if you want to discuss! Sorry, I don't understand your point, "I can only think he's with her for one reason! If you're not a native English speaker, that phrase "for one reason! Fattie, I am not a native speaker, but isn't that contradictory to OP: It contradicts the premise. Based on the logic, it shows that "Reductio ad absurdum. You have knowledge of the guys work and living situation.

They presumably live close You have another set of parents you can communicate with. You KNOW about the situation.

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It's not a secret. These are good things. You sound like a great parent and I wish the very best to you and your daughter. My year is the first year to be required to stay in full time education until the academic year in which we turn The child in question is either my year or the year below. I'm not saying this is a bad answer, but it is quite anecdotal.

Fattie Age difference matters less once your older, but as a teenager the gap is much more pronounced and thus concerning. Fattie respectfully, that sounds like a complete assumption on your part.

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Why not do both? Peter Peter 2, 6 Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation is not constructive and has been moved to chat. Several answers already, but I want to address a couple of your concerns.


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  • That was 20 years ago, so I can tell you how it turned out. We are happier than ever. We have 7 amazing kids, ages 18 to 2. Our oldest is already succeding at university. Martin Argerami Martin Argerami 5 You married a year-old at 28? You ol' dog, you! I married a year-old, when I was And, 20 years ago, legal age in Argentina for marriage, not to go to the war was 21, so her parents had to sign an authorization: My husband and I got married early and travelled after, together.

    I'm glad this all worked out for you, but it's very anecdotal and I don't feel it offers OP any real advice. Giving birth at 17 means that the person in question would never get to experience fully independent life. I'd be extremely wary of such advice. The general rule of thumb for age appropriateness is half plus 7.

    The obligatory XKCD cartoon: Pete Pete 2 2. How did you do the math? Not that I disagree with your answer but using the rule of thumb here may not be the best argument. Just don't confuse the age of consent with the fact that she's still a minor. Wait to date her if she's going to be 18 anyway.

    Even then she's very young and that's a big age gap to overcome when you're young. Edited on August 23, at Thats was exactly what i wanted to explain. But should it be ok if we made out nothing sexual? Thats what I wanted to ask. Thanks for your reply! Do you really want to be the guy that got to first base with a minor? Are you willing to risk explaining to the detectives that you only kissed the minor? Are you willing to risk being in a he-said she-said situation when you are a legal adult and she is a minor?

    Nope, nope and nope. How many times are you going to post this? I keep reading about child brides in the Us so I guess if her parents are ok with it, then what's the problem? Ask a New Question expand.

    Trending in Dating Dark4ngel99 She want to bypass the friendzone, I do not. Best way to stop this?